Growing Pains

Before I joined Peace Corps, I had experienced some sort of "growing pains" when I packed up and left my sheltered and familiar little life in Ste. Genevieve for a college town and a university experience in Cape Girardeau.  I knew not a single soul when I arrived, and it definitely took an adjustment period to become accustomed to the community showers (not to mention the random men who showed up in them) and the vast amount of freedom I had never experienced before.  This left me feeling both terrified and exhilarated, and I definitely resisted a tugging to return to all things familiar.

Granted, within a month or three, I had created friendships with individuals I now cannot imagine life without, and all was well.  I learned plenty of lessons, made memories, and discovered I was able to define my life outside of what people in that small town deemed "acceptable" for me, and that was okay.   

Fast forward four years.  I decided to up and change my life again: I am an American living in Cherkasy, Ukraine.  I know enough Ukrainian vocabulary to share my love of drawing, animals, exploring, and reading.  I can, brokenly, explain how to make tacos and in return, learn how to make my new family's divine mushroom soup.  I can tell my host family and new co-workers I appreciate their friendship, support, and help on this crazy journey (although much less eloquently than that). I can identify the correct trolleys and marshuki to get me to and from work, and to my favorite park,  I can go to the bazaar or store and buy cherries or shampoo.  I could go to the train station and purchase a ticket for the correct day and time to another city, if I so desired (Probably.. We'll test this theory in a few months).  I can even explain why I am living and working in Ukraine while using big-kid vocabulary, like "youth development." For only having three months of language practice, I know this is an accomplishment; I know I should be proud of myself.

However, sometimes, without warning, growing pains can hit you hard in the middle of the night, plaguing you for days on end, refusing to be placated.  

This week, I have been unable to explain that my grandfather is in the hospital, facing a long, difficult recovery, and I want more than anything to jump on a plane and be there for him and my family.  I have been unable to voice my fear of being a burden, disappointment, and failure instead of a blessing to the organization that has been wanting a PCV for two years.  I haven't been able to disclose how guilty I feel for not loving every minute of this experience like I feel I should be.  I have been unable to express how much I am craving something familiar- a hug from my mom, a kiss on the forehead from someone dear to me, cuddling one of my furballs.  Even helping my Ukrainian mama in the garden and playing with my pig-friend, Wiggly, would be a welcome comfort, because even that is more familiar than this busy new city. 

To sum up, culture shock and home-sickness brutally tag-teamed me with the force of a sledgehammer.  I wanted safe.  I wanted home.  

However, I didn't join Peace Corps to stay "safe."  I didn't join Peace Corps to stay comfortably in my feel-good box where I can control everything with my pretty excel spreadsheets and highlighters.  I don't even own a highlighter, now.  

I joined Peace Corps to challenge myself.  I joined Peace Corps to learn a new language and culture.  I joined Peace Corps to become a more empathetic and knowledgeable social worker and human; to develop new relationships and to be of aid where help is truly needed.  I joined Peace Corps to learn how to live.  

Moving to a new country is hard.  Preparing your personal and professional life for two years of service where you won't even be able to go home for the holidays is incredibly hard.  I say that with a new understanding, albeit a bit of a delayed understanding.  I think this is partly due to the fact that when you talk with RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteers), they talk about the differences they made- they relationships they shared; almost as if they're looking at their service through rose-colored glasses.  They do not admit initial minute-by-minute struggle to understand what is being said to you and around you, the struggle to find your niche in your new community, or the fear of becoming lost in a city of 300,000 people when you cannot even correctly pronounce the name of the street you live on.  

At first, I resented these RPCVs and Peace Corps staff for not disclosing the negatives of service because these struggles are so very real- they're part of the growing pains.  But once I started thinking, I realized these barriers, the ones that feel ten feet tall? They're not permanent.  They're built of clay, and they will begin to crumble with each small victory- be it a word learned, conversation had, or a cat-friend made.

So, yes, feel.  Feel everything that's happening around you.  Validate these feelings.  After all, they're real; probably some of the most tangible you've ever experienced outside of being heels-over-head in love.  But in these intense moments, don't forget to take a deep breath, step back, and reflect.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you're lucky enough to call your own.  One day, you'll be that starry-eyed, twitter-painted RPCV describing the land and people and memories you fell in love with.  All it takes is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust (comprised of a lot of hard work, dedication, and persistence).  And remember:

You've got this. 

This time it is "officially" official.

Five days ago I took the oath and swore in as a Peace Corps Volunteer after almost three months of four-hours-a-day language training, teaching healthy lifestyles, civic engagement, and leadership skills in Ukrainian, making friends with the street animals, technical sessions, planning and running a mini camp, facilitating an English club, assisting with English classes, and living with an absolutely amazing host family in the quaint village of Kozelets, Ukraine.  We had chickens and geese and pigs and one slightly slaughtered pig who, I have to admit, made an amazing soup after I overcame the shock of seeing his corpse laying out in our living room.   It was not a drill.  In addition to leaving my host family, I had to leave my dear little group of fellow misfits- The Wolfe Pack- as we all dispersed across Ukraine to our new homes for two years. 

I realize there has been a hiatus in this blog, and I apologize for this.  While living in Kozelets, I had very limited access to the interweb, and quite frankly, we were too busy to even find time to sleep properly, much less write a blog after trying to differentiate between the eight different ways to say "to go" in Ukrainian every day.  Don't buy it? This was just one wall out of the house we had covered in Ukrainian words and grammar: Level Unlocked; BadAss Status.  

I am thankful to my little Wolfe Pack for keeping me sane in these first few months and putting up with my never ending need to sleep.  I am thankful for the laughter, the tears, and the friendship we now share thanks to this adventure we're privileged to be on.

As for my Ukrainian Mama and Tato, I am forever grateful for sharing recipes (vareniki for tacos) , conversations (complete with elaborate pantomimes), laughter, helping with the language, showing me the wonders of the bucket bath when the hot water is determined not to work, and accepting me as family without a second thought.  I will cherish my Ukrainian family for the rest of my life.

I am now living in Cherkasy, a city with a population of 300,000 on the Dniper River, with a new host family, while I become acquainted with my new surroundings. My new host mother has given me my first Ukrainian nickname, Samichko.  She and her daughter refuse to let me go more than a couple hours without trying to feed me or offer me chi (tea), while her husband reminds me of the need to wear slippers inside the house else I get sick.  I am beyond blessed to have been spoiled with this many kind, generous, loving souls since I have been in Ukraine. My host sister has already taken me around the city and insisted on taking pictures of me in front of the local landmarks, like this beautiful Orthadox church near the center of town.  In addition to the new host family, I have begun working with the local youth resource center and have introduced them to the game Humans Vs Zombies, which will now be used for a fundraising platform (nerding = awesome). 

So what happens next? Not even I know the answer to this, but oh, am I excited to find out. 

The hard work has paid off: I am a Peace Corps Volunteer.  

  

IT'S OFFICAL

It's official, y'all.  I've FINALLY been medically cleared for Peace Corps.  It took over two long months, but it's happened.  I don't really know what to feel or think or eat.  I kinda just wanna sleep and cuddle up with my Sanura.  Aint' she cute? It's gonna be hard leaving these four furbabies here in the States.  I don't even wanna think about it.  

Also, I don't want to think about how much I've been procrastinating learning the language of my future home.  Seriously, someone needs to hold me accountable and learn it with me.  My procrastination is a problem.

On another note: I started a new job with the Missouri Children's Division as an investigator on October 15, 2015, just in case Peace Corps didn't work out.  I love the job, and the people I work with.  It's gonna be hard putting in my notice after just being there four months, and I feel extremely guilty because of that.  However, this is the one time in my existence on this planet  I can be completely selfish and change my entire life.  I can't pass up this opportunity.  I wont.  

Ukraine, I'm coming for you.  97 days.  Get ready!

Legal Clearance

Good sunny afternoon!

My legal kit finally arrived yesterday! Today, I got to deal with a completely grumpy lady who in no way seemed enthused to fingerprint me (them were FBI fingerprint charts- I felt like a criminal. Mwahahahaaha).  She also thought that I was a nutter for asking her to double check that she signed everywhere that needed her signature.  Sorry lady, two years of my life depend on your John Hancock being in the right place.  I can be anal.  Sheesh.  Anywho! That is now mailed off and Peace Corps Headquarters should be receiving it on Monday! Happy dance.
I also have all of my medical clearance appointments scheduled within the month of September! Look at me being a responsible human being! Aren't you proud?! 

Medical Clearance

I just received an update from the Medical Applicant Portal.  I have to print out 46 pages of medical clearance forms and have the corresponding physicians assess me as "fit for service" within sixty days of yesterday, or Peace Corps retracts their invitation.  So fifty-nine days, now.  I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment.  I even worked out an extra 40 minutes last night in order to calm my nerves (As of this morning, I could not lift my arms above my head which is proof that exercise is of Satan).

I know I will get all of this done.  I know it's physically possible.  I know I shouldn't be stressing out.

I also know that I'm the type of person that will look at a list and will try to accomplish everything on said list within 24 hours, however impossible.  My brain has some sick obsession with putting a check mark at the end of every completed task, and will torment me until it can get the satisfaction of doing so.  My brain thinks highlighters and spreadsheets are my best friend.  I think I need an intervention with my brain.

So that's my update for now.  Fingers crossed that all of this plays out perfectly and there are no issues.

UPDATE: As of September 23, 2015, All medical clearance papers have been turned in and are awaiting approval.

Update to the UPDATE: On October 5, 2015, Peace Corps requested that I provide a brief statement of my medical history with my asthma, which is extremely mild, and to provide a follow-up ultrasound for a benign breast lump *my lumps, my lovely lady lumps..* that was identified in March of this year (nothing worrisome, outside of the ultrasound costing more than my life is worth.  These will be completed ASAP.

UPdate to the Update to the UPDATE:  On November 11th, 2015, I underwent a surgery to remove the fibroadanoma from my breast.  Everything went smoothly, and it's healing up nicely.  I attended a follow-up appointment on November 22, 2015 to have the stitches removed.  I submitted the last of my Medical Clearance paperwork on November 23, 2015.

I was officially cleared for service December 1, 2015, with 97 days until departure.  

Cats are too Curious

Hello, you lovely, beautiful readers! I have good news, and I have bad news.  I'm gonna be a killjoy and post the bad news first.

My adorable little ham of a kit, Kili, decided that he didn't quite like the fact that I'm going to be away from him for 27 months, so he thought he'd try to delay my Invitee processes- 90% which involve the computer/internet.  Short story short, he knocked over a mason jar filled with flowers and water on to my laptop, which in turn became a drenched electronic mess.  It's currently taking up space at a lovely computer repair shop while undergoing a free (music to my poor ears) diagnostic test to determine exactly how damaged it is.  Thanks, you horrid furball. 


Good news? Well, I have a lovely Public Library that I get to make use of! Well, my town has it, I just feel that I can claim it with the intense hours I've been putting in while finishing up online paperwork and modules pertaining to being a new Peace Corps Invitee.  This means I've been required to actually wear pants while on the internet.  And sit next to other humans, not all of which smell pleasant.  First world struggles, yo.

Really, though, I've completed all of the "submit within 30 days of accepting your invitation" required documents outside of my legal kit, which is currently being mailed to me.  I think I deserve a bloody huge cookie and a cuppa.  Too bad I'm trying to be healthy.  I'm just going to eat my carrot sticks and be sad.  Stupid rabbit food.

Now it's time to wait for said legal kit, and track down my immunization records, figure out how to defer my student loans, start learning the Ukrainian alphabet, and make appointments to get myself medically cleared for service! That sounded a lot more fun before I actually read it.  It'll be worth it all when I step onto Ukrainian soil and realize that I'm still in no-way prepared for service! I can't bloody wait. 
  

Aspiration Statement

After accepting my Invitation, I was prompted, like every Volunteer, to create an "aspiration statement" pertaining to my impending service, as well as an updated resume.  Well, resumes have always been boring, so I won't bother you with that.  However, I found reading Returned Peace Corps Volunteer's (RPCV) aspiration statements beneficial.  Hopefully, my words will help a new Invitee in the future.

Aspiration Statement

Samantha Alexander

Ukraine

March 7, 2016

A: Three professional attributes that you plan to use during your Peace Corps service and how these will help you fulfill your aspirations and commitment to service.

            I believe the key to unlocking human relationships, both professionally and personally, lies within being genuine, empathetic, and respectful. When one dons these adjectives and actively uses them in their life, individuals that are interacted with tend to be more accepting, open, and trusting.  I feel that this type of human connection is even more essential in the cross-cultural situations the Peace Corps provides because our success as a volunteer isn’t necessarily measured by our actual job description; it’s measured by the relationships we build and the understanding we create between our country of service and the United States.  Essentially, our success is depicted in the relationships we’ll create with those around us. While I am in service, I plan on actively using these traits to connect both in the workplace and out to enrich the relationships and experiences I will encounter as a Volunteer.  Anyone can fulfill a job duty, but not everyone can make a real, personal difference while working that job, and that’s what I’ve signed up to do. 

B: Identify two strategies for working effectively with host country partners to meet expressed needs.

            I believe patience and active listening are crucial when needs are trying to be met.  Rarely will someone be forward enough simply tell you exactly what they need to feel comfortable.  Rather, we discern this through body language and subtle (or not so subtle) hints.  When we take away the behaviors we are culturally adapted to, there is very little one can do to meet needs without being open and forward, which is very foreign and uncomfortable to many Americans.  Going through this type of transition will be frustrating and at times exhausting, which is why I feel patience and active listening are fundamental practices while serving as a learner in a different culture.  Also, leaning to find the humor in these new and awkward situations can be nothing but beneficial to all involved. 

C: Your strategy for adapting to a new culture with respect to your own cultural background.

            I believe having a vast array of different coping mechanisms will be extremely helpful in regards to adaptation, because there will be times that the body or mind will reject this new culture and language, and self-care will be needed.  I have recently taken up strength training as a way to relieve stress and focus, on top of my already established coping mechanisms, such as reading, exploring, and sketching.

            Outside of self-care, though, are many other strategies that I believe are important to acclimating to Ukrainian culture: learning the social norms, comprehending the language, actively seeking out educational experiences, & making and strengthening new relationships while maintaining the ones back at home.

Adapting to a new culture will be very challenging and daunting.  However, Peace Corps exists so that we, as Americans and humans, can become more empathetic, open-minded, and educated people that are courageous enough to forge bonds of fondness and understanding with other countries. This is an essential step to international friendliness. 

           

D: The skills and knowledge you hope to gain during pre-service training to best serve your future community and project.

            I am confident that pre-service training will prepare me with, at minimum, a basic understanding of Ukrainian culture and language which will be the cornerstone upon which I’ll build the next two years of my life on.  However, I do hope that pre-service training will delve into the world of youth development so that I am able to begin understanding how Ukraine handles their youth programs.  This will aid me in being better utilized while working on my assigned project.  I also want to know what challenges, specifically, Ukrainian youth are dealing with, and what methods have been/can be used to overcome these challenges.  

E: How you think Peace Corps service will influence your personal and professional aspirations after your service ends.

            It has been an aspiration of mine for as long as I can remember to become an international worker.  The role I’ve seen myself playing has changed a bit over time (missionary to anti-trafficking advocate), but the desire to be involved in international relationships and work has not dulled.  I believe Peace Corps will give me a crash-course in a sort of international social work so that I will be able to determine if I truly want to devote the rest of my tiny life to trying to save the world. 

            I also am excited to soak up a new culture and become a more empathetic person- professionally and personally.  As a social worker, I am called to work with oppressed, the hurt, and those who are of a minority.  While I have experienced several hardships in my life, I have never been truly oppressed, and I have certainly not been a minority.  When I arrive on Ukrainian soil, I will be a minority, and I will be oppressed in a way because I will not know how to successfully communicate or function in this new country.  I sincerely hope that when I return to the United States, I will be able to look on those experiences with a certain fondness because of the unique way I will be able to relate to future clients. 

Invitation to Serve

I'm in the beginning of a life-changing journey.  In a little more than six months, God-willing, I will embark on the most exotic, stressful, unbelievable, and exhilarating 27 months my young life has experienced.  In six months, I will be leaving the United States to experience Ukraine.  In six months, I will redefine my life as a Peace Corps Volunteer.

However, before I get ahead of myself, I figured I'd document this already-overwhelming process that comes after accepting the official Invitation to Serve, as well as just a smidgen about what happened before my coveted Invitation was received.  

Timeline as of now: 

June 3, 2015:  Apply for Peace Corps for the second time.  They didn't know what they were missing the first time. ;-)

I did not choose Ukraine as my country of preference, I was more of a "I'll-do-anything-anywhere-but-please-for-the-love-of-God,-don't-send-me-to-a-place-where-it's-1,000-degrees-every-day-or-I-swear-I'll-turn-into-the-Wicked-Witch-of-the-West-puddle" kind of girl.  

June 11, 2015: I was notified that I was tentatively placed in Ukraine & I knew it'd be the perfect fit as soon as I read the e-mail.  Man, was I getting excited.  

June 22, 2015: Request for an interview?!? YES PLEASE.  LET ME JUMP UP AND DOWN AND BE EXCITED BECAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN GET THIS FAR LAST TIME.  Woah.  Caps lock, chill your britches.  

June 25, 2015:  Hello, quiet University library.  I'm here 2 hours early for my web-cam interview, double-fisting copious amounts of caffeine while trying to keep my anxious, yet exhausted (because who in their right mind could sleep the night before this interview), eyes open.  

WHAT.  WHY AREN'T YOU LETTING ME USE YOUR WIFI, LIBRARY?! I LITERALLY GRADUATED LESS THAN A MONTH AGO.  

After a mini panic attack, I realized that one of my most amazing friends in the world, Mel, would let me use her info to log into the wifi since my Alma Mater obviously wanted me to fail at this interview.  Crisis averted.  I owe you my life, Mel.  Or at least a dozen cookies.  Oh, food.. Yum..  Okay, let's get back on track.  The interview lasted about an hour and a half, and it wasn't nearly as scary as I imagined it'd be.  It consisted of a lot of critical thinking and behavioral-based questions, and a few personal questions about current relationships, coping strategies, and support.  

At the end of the interview, Mariana (am I allowed to post my Placement Officer's name? Ah, what the hell) told me that she felt I was a good candidate (NAILED IT! I EARNED THAT COOKIE!) and would be recommending my application to be furthered.  Commence calling all my favorite people to have a mini-celebration.  

June 26, 2015: Received email saying that one of my references still hadn't returned their recommendation.  Resolved that issue in less than an hour.  I ain't lettin' no one play 'round wit' dis!

July, 2015: Frantically check my email every day praying for an invitation.  I want this more than I want my kitten's snuggles.  If you know me, which you probably don't, then you realize how serious of a statement that is.  

Also, accepted a full time job as a switchboard operator that will begin at the end of August.  My coughing wallet will finally stop complaining about the dust it's accruing.  

August 13, 2015: Today, my best friend in the entire universe, Sam (yes, we share a name.  We're bloody awesome), gave birth to the most perfect child I've ever laid eyes on, and I don't even like babies.  Holy crow, what an amazing thing to experience.  

Also, today is my grandmammy's birthday.  I decided to introduce the family- Mom, Grandmammy, Gare-Bear (el cousin), and Seester- to Cards Against Humanity.  What a bloody blast.  

I know, you're wondering how this pertains to Peace Corps, Ukraine, this blog in general... Well it's my blog.  Bugger off if you can't deal with my tangents.  But seriously, it pertains because those two events made this extremely hot and humid day fairly awesome.  But what happened next made it the best day of my life.  

I RECEIVED MY INVITATION TO SERVE IN UKRAINE AS A YOUTH DEVELOPER.  

What a way to wake up from a nap.  I need to nap more often if this is the kind of news I wake up to.

August 14, 2015: I officially accept the Invitation to Serve.  I have deemed this as reality and stopped pinching myself.  

Oh God, Hogwarts has released the digital owls.  How much paperwork do I have to fill out?!

August 16, 2015: Finished initial paperwork/visa/passport forms.  It only took a few hours, a bar of chocolate, three water bottles, and several bank-account inquiries to make sure I could afford passport photos and UPS to send these forms off (because life costs money, which I don't have. Money, I mean.  Well, I don't have much of a life, either.  Do books, cat cuddles, and Netflix count as life?  If so, I'm living the bloody dream).  

I think this process is really going to get on my Type-A personality's nerves.  So. Much. To. Do. So. Little. Time. And. Everything. Is. So. Official. And. Formal. And. WowThisIsActuallyHappeningToMeImGoingToBeAPeaceCorpsVolunteerYay.